Intimate Issues Talk

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inimacy, date, sex

Keep sex in perspective

As an adult, it is probably harder than ever to keep sex in its proper place in a dating relationship. As an adult, you have probably spent much of your life having sex with your partners and mates and it can be hard to imagine any kind of a relationship without sex. Keep in mind, however, that sex and relationships are two different things and sometimes you have to make a choice about what is most important. While there is certainly nothing wrong with having sex on the first date as an adult, it can also seriously complicate things and make it difficult to determine whether this is a person you want to actually develop something more long term with.

In the 21st century most people are aware of the intense power of the hormones and neurotransmitters that flood the body during and following intercourse, that can continue for a period of months in an ongoing sexual relationship. Most therapists do not recommend making any major life decisions when engaging in a new sexual relationship for this reason. While you certainly do not have to live like a monk, it is still important to tread cautiously when it comes time to mix sex and dating.

There are of course a number of “cheats” that people often try to engage in when it comes to dating as an adult, but they often have a tendency to backfire. One of these “cheats” is to have sex with a person you are not particularly interested in while dating and maintaining a celibate relationship with someone you are interested in. Another “cheat” is to simply use dating as an opportunity to have casual or meaningless sex rather than as an opportunity to genuinely get to know another human being.

While there is nothing inherently wrong with any of these “workarounds” the ultimate reality is that dating, sex and relationships are hard issues to navigate and once again, you will get out of them what you put into them. While sex is certainly a form of intimacy, it often does not actually fulfill the deepest longing we all have for true intimacy. When it comes to dating, sex and relationships there are few absolute rights and wrongs, but there are certainly paths that bring more fulfillment than others. Choose carefully.